


Just  a little to late

by Dark_Angel1976, orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Broken, Confusion, Cutting, Death, Depression, Despair, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Frerard, Funeral, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Ignored, Loneliness, Loss, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, Mentions of Sex, Pain, Sad, Secrets, Suffering, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Tears, Triggers, Unrequited Love, devastated, hurtful words, suicide by pills, trigger warning, unfulfilled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 02:03:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1451338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Angel1976/pseuds/Dark_Angel1976, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard is Mikeys older brother. Frank his best friend. His brother falls for Frank but he will never tell anyone. It destroys him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just  a little to late

**Author's Note:**

> Gerard and Mikey Way are not mine do not belong to me. They own themselves. They do not support cutting or suicide or any kind of self harm. No one should kill themselves if you feel this please get help or tell someone. fiction I made it not real.
> 
> Also being mental ill and having dealt with my own suicide attempts (hospitalizations) I feel that this may or may not affect people who have dealt with it or had someone die from it so this is you own risk if you chose to read it you were warned.

Gerard POV

I watch him with my little brother, they laugh and wrestle around. They joke and share hugs. Share sloppy drunk kisses. They don't see me, they don't even know that I am here. I know I am invisible and it makes my heartache. I want to touch Frank, he's beautiful. His smile makes my breath hitch. I hear them sometimes talking about me. "Mikey, your brother is creepy." "Does he always stay in basement?" "Does he ever bother to even shower?" "No, my brother is disgusting." "He's a loser." "Just ignore him." It hurts me sometime. I even cry but I never let them see me cry. 

I have many scars but no one sees them, I hide them well. I have been cutting for a couple of years now, ever since I had realized how I felt about Frank. It is more then just he is only 17 and that I am 20 that tells me I can't have him. Late at night, in my bed, in the dark, I let my thoughts run wild. I touch myself thinking about him. I push my pajama pants down and stroke myself to hardness. I bite my lip so hard it almost bleeds, afraid to let the noises out. I am almost afraid they will hear my moans and they somehow will know. I stroke myself roughly as I picture him naked and panting beneath me. 

"Fuck me, Gee." he pleads smiling up at me, his cock hard and leaking just begging for my attention. It doesn't take long to cum as I spurt all over my hand. I wipe it on my sheet, disgusted with myself. You'r sick Gee, I tell myself. You are nothing and he will never want you. My tears fall but I don't make a single sound and I just cry myself to sleep. 

I went upstairs for dinner tonight and I hadn't realized he'd be at the table in the kitchen. "Hi, Gerard," he said nodding at me. I froze, "yeah, I grumbled and grabbed a soda before I fled. "Your brother really is weird, Mikey," he said and I could hear the laughter in his voice. I hid in the basement for two days after that, the feeling of the blade staining my skin was my only relief from pain. 

My mom called down to me, "Gerard, sweetie, we're leaving." 

"Okay, mom," I called up. I had decided that it would be a good time to take shower because I didn't do it often. They thought it was because I was gross but it was because I was afraid that someone would see what I had done to myself. The scars and cuts marking up my pale flesh. So, once I was alone, I slipped out of the basement to shower. When I came out of the shower, I walked out of the bathroom, a towel slung low on my waist and I hadn't expected to walk right in to Frank in living room. 

"Oh, fuck. I'm sorry," I mumbled with my eyes to the floor. "I wasn't aware that anyone was here," I tell him, my cheeks flushing. 

His eyes run over my body and he gasps. "What the fuck happened to you?" He said, his eyes going wide. 

"Nothing," I said pushing past him. I ran to the basement, slamming the door and locking it. I pull on some pajama pants, a tee and throw myself onto the bed, crying. I just didn't think that I could keep going on this way. Why was he even here when no one else is home. 

I heard them whispering later with their heads close together. "It is scary, dude," Frank whispered. "I have never seen anything like it." I was just catching snatches of what was being said. He was all cut up and scarred. "Maybe you should do something, he might need some help." Finally, I heard Mikey's voice, "I don't think they can do anything, Frankie." 

I felt the tears stinging in my eyes and I went back down to the basement. I laid there in the dark for a long time, crying, before I finally started to feel numb. Inside me I felt like something had finally given way. I was going to stop my pain, I had had enough. I slipped through my house, to the kitchen, stealing beers from the fridge before I went to the bathroom upstairs and took out all the meds in there. I raced back down to the basement with my heart pounding in my ears. I poured the pills into my hand and I shoved them into my mouth throwing them back with the beer. I chugged the bottle, then got up on my legs that felt like jelly, I grabbed a pencil and my scratch pad. Quickly, scrawled a note across it before lying down onto my bed. I am not sure how long I waited before it felt like my body had started to give in. My eyes fluttered closed as I fell asleep. Everything around me seemed to slow down, it wasn't long before my mouth went dry and soon everything went dark. 

Franks POV

"Your brother is really strange," I told Mikey. 

He nodded, "I don't know what's wrong with him." 

"He's watching us again." I told Mikey. 

"It's cool, just let him." 

I thought it was kind of creepy. I couldn't help but notice how pretty he was though. He wasn't a bad looking man. He was a little to pale from hiding in the basement. I thought if I washed his long, black, greasy hair that it might look nice. I really kind of felt sorry for him and I wondered what was wrong with him. Mikey was kissng me in the living room some time after midnight. My eyes had slid closed but when I opened them I had found him watching us from the kitchen. Our eyes met briefly before he turned and left so quick that I wasn't really sure that he had even been then. 

Tonight when we were eating dinner at the kitchen table he had come in there, stopping abruptly and looking shocked. I don't think that he had expected me to be there. He stared at me hard through his hair for moment before speaking. "Hello" I had said but he kind of just grunted. Then he was running away again. I did not understand him at all. 

"What the fuck." I snapped at Mikey, "your brother acts like I have the plague or something. The way he looks at me is like I am some kind of cannibal that might eat him alive." Mikey had laughed at that really hard but I pouted. He slid his arms around me, kissing the the pout on lips and causing me to whimper. His hand fell onto my lap, stroking my erection through my jeans. "Mikey," I said pushing his hand away. Sometimes I was sure that Mikey only wanted me for my body. I pulled him up dragging him to his bedroom. I laid there a long time with the taste of Mikey on lips, listening to him snore until I had become thirsty. So, I dragged myself out of the bed, padding down to the kitchen. 

I was only going there to get a soda but I froze in my tracks. There at the table with a half eaten sandwich next to him was Gerard, his head in his hands. I stood back in the dark watching him. He had no idea that I was there. His shoulders shook, it was so suddenly obvious to me that he was crying. I wanted to ask him what was wrong but I also didn't want to intrude. I didn't really know Gerard and it was none of business. I mean, I know that he's Mikey's older brother and he was always there watching us in a creepy way, but I'd barely spoken to him more then a few words at time.

I felt a pang in my heart for him but to be honest, I was kind of scared him as well. I tuned back around and went back to Mikey's room. I didn't see him again until Mikey had told me to wait for him at the house. "No one was home but Gee, just let yourself in and I'll be home in a little while." He had told me. I headed over to Mikey's feeling a little bit awkward that I'd be there in the same house along with his creepy brother. 

I let myself in and went into the kitchen to grab a soda. I stopped in the living room as Gerard came down the stairs. He was only wearing a towel that hung dangerously low around his hips. His long black hair was wet and plastered to his head. Ringlets of water were running down his shoulders and across his chest. His body was marked with scars and what was obviously fresh cuts. He was so beautiful even with the damage and I froze for a moment while my heart stuttered. 

My eyes went wide, "what the fuck happened to you?" I said my voice shaking. 

He look so scared and trapped that it broke my heart. He shoved passed me and vanished into the basement. That night I tried to talk to Mikey but he just seemed to not know what to do. I think he was scared for his brother but he didn't know how to help. The moment that Mikey opened the medicine cabinet to get his pills the next morning, his eyes went wide. The whole thing was empty and no pills. 

When he come down the stairs his body was so stiff and awkward. My eyes went wide at his ashen skin and the terrified expression that was on his face. The tears come after I spoke, "Mikey, what is wrong?" I said rushing over to him . 

"I think I made a mistake," he sobbed. "I think my bother has done something stupid and I don't think that I can even go look." Mikey said slowly and just shook his head. 

I jumped up scrambling down the stairs to Gerard's room. The door was locked and I pounded on it and called out his name. He didn't answer. I went to garage to get a screw driver. My hands shook as I used it to pop the hinges off of the door. When I got inside it was so quiet and the air was still. I stumbled over all the shit on his messy floor. I reached the bed, shaking him hard, he was so stiff and didn't move. I realized that he was dead and my eyes went wide with shock. 

I stumbled backwards, a scream stuck in my throat. We had been right upstairs, just a few feet away, how could we not even know? I started to sob, falling to the floor. It was several minutes before I realized that he was clutching a paper in his hand. I went to him, tugging on it, until it came out of his hands and ripping slightly. I looked at it with horror written all my face and I read it with my trembling fingers.  
'Mommy can't help me and daddy doesn't understand. Mikey hates me and I love someone who will never love me back. I can't do this anymore. I love you all. P.S. Frank you were everything to me.' 

My mouth tasted of bile and it was burning my throat. I ran from his room up the stairs. 

"What is it?" Mikey shrieked, as I run past him. A moment later I was retching in the toilet. When it finally stopped, I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and I dragged myself from the floor, picking up the note from where I had dropped it. With trembling hands I shoved the note into Mikey's hands. 

"It was my fault more then anyone's," I sobbed. 

"Don't say that, Frankie," he told me wrapping an arm around me. He read the note several times before looking up at my rimmed red eyes. "So, he's dead, you're sure? He asked. 

"Yes, Mikey, he's dead." 

Numbly he nodded, it was almost like a robot as he went to the kitchen to call for an ambulance. He just curled himself around me on the sofa as we cried. It was all background noise to me; the sirens, his parents sobbing. It just didn't seem real.

Mikeys POV

Gerard had always been different but that hadn't bother me. I love him even still and I am not sure he even knows it. I think he's lonely sometimes, I say things out of frustration to Frank but I don't mean them. Sometimes he whispers back things that he doesn't mean either. I think sometimes Gee scares him when he is watching us. He's harmless and if anything he is just lonely. I watch him sometimes my eyes filled with worry. I don't know what is wrong with him and I don't know how to help. 

He barely leaves his room, he is so pale, his hair is greasy and he barely showers. He smells but I don't tell him. I just leave him alone. Today Frank had been at my house to meet me. As soon as my parents and I had gotten home, he rushed straight over to me, hugging me tightly. I didn't know why he seemed so agitated. Later that night, he whispered to me about Gee. Telling me about his scars and the cuts. I don't know what I can do. I really think about telling my parents but I don't do anything in the end, for fear of pushing him further away and making things worse. 

The next morning I realize that all of the pills are gone and I know right away that it is Gerard. I can't bring myself to go down there and I am so terrified of what I will find. Frank tells me he is going to do it. I don't want him to, I am scared of what he will find. I am not sure that I want to know. I don't want to live in world where this shit is happening. Where I sat back and let my brother destroy himself. 

The moment that Frank charges past me, vomiting, I know what he has found. He's dead and it's all my fault. I stand there shaking, listening to Frank vomit for what seems like forever. The moment he comes out of the bathroom, he shoves a piece of paper into my hand. I am almost afraid to read it. With my hands shaking, I look at it. He loved me, it's all right there on the paper and my heart shatters. It breaks even further when I realize he had been in love with Frank. I had did this to him. Frank and I had destroyed him. 

I couldn't take it, I felt sick and faint. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to vomit like Frank just had or pass out. Some how I managed to stumble into the kitchen to call for help. When I hang up all I could feel was being numb. Frank and I wait on the sofa, curled around each other for comfort. I don't really feel anything or even know that he is there. By the time they take Gerard's body away, I can't figure out who is more broken, Frank or I. 

I know my parents are trying to put on brave face and be strong. I, however, don't think that I can handle this. I can't be alone not tonight and Frank takes me upstairs to the bedroom where we cuddle up, trying our best to comfort each other.

"Mikey, I am sorry," he whimpers. 

I had no idea how he really felt. "It isn't your fault. I should've help him," I said as I cried into Frank's neck. 

"Mikey, I think everyone is blaming themselves and I don't think it will help anything. Maybe we should just try and sleep." 

I nod with my face still buried in his neck and I fall asleep to his soft, even breath as he holds me close. Everything after that seemed to speed by in a whirlwind as they planned his funeral. It is just the way that I think Gee would have wanted it. Black and red roses are everywhere and his art is displayed for people to see. Everything is just little over done and dramatic the way that Gee was when he was younger and full of life, when we had played together laughing. Now his corpse mocked me from his horrible black casket. 

I sobbed against Frank as he let his own silent tears flow. He was doing his best to comfort me but I knew that he was hurting just as much as I was. It seemed that this damn funeral would drag on forever and I just wanted it to end. By the time they were lowering him into the ground, I felt like crawling in there with him. I must have looked like death as well because my mom kept fluttering around me making a fuss and I just wanted her to leave me alone. 

I turned to Frank. "He loved you even though you didn't know and I love you. I need you more then ever please promise me you want leave me too." I broke down in tears against him. 

He caught me in his arms and nuzzled against my cheek. "Mikey, I will never leave you and we will never forget, Gee. I promise." 

I nod slowly as I let him pull me to the car and I do not speak as I watch Gee's final resting place disappear behind us. How could he do this to me and leave me here alone to suffer all this pain that he caused me. I don't say it out but I think Frank knows how I feel. I feel agony as the cemetary finally disappears behind us. I will never see him again and never hear him laugh or see him smile. It may just destroy me because it has surely broken my heart. I grab Frank's hand and squeeze it, as his arms pull me towards him and holds me tight. Now he is the only one who will ever understand how I feel. I close my eyes against the light, my head is aching and all I want to be is numb.


End file.
